I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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