So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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