he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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