I cannot find my penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
