Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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