Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
