okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
