She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
