you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
