I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
