Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
