Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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