If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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