Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
