I am spending my child support on dildos
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
