Please, let me fuck your mom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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