Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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