We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
