i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
