dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
