It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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