Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
