This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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