and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
