i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i love accidental penises.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
