There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
