Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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