Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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