Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
