He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
