New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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