My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
