yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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