You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
