I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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