were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
