Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
