3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
