erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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