Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
