It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
