Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
