yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
