so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently the secret to your success is patron
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
