Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
