How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
