just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
