I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
