Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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