IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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