So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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