The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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