Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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