so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
