Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
