My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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