why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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