i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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