My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
